Thursday, January 29, 2009

Asserting Ones Self

Some of you that know me know that I am always encouraging transgender folk to come out into the open and participate in important local and national social issues like the Marriage Equality Movement here in California. Many of us either in transition or before developed a tendency to stay hidden, and that is understandable because the beginnings of transition for many are a very traumatic time. I am a strong believer in being assertive for our rights and for those of others and of living our true lives right out in the open so others get used to our presence, but it does take a change in mind-set to get out here.

I myself in the years approaching transition began more and more to be nervous and withdrawn because I felt so uncomfortable with myself and the final few before I finally began to change in earnest were very dark days. I had accepted that I had to incorporate the feminine aspects of myself into my daily life and those days were very strange and certainly not very pretty ones and much of the old me had to be shed or unlearned to make room for more appropriate things - this covered everything from personal hygiene to poise, appearance and speech and even included a complete change in the people and activities I allow into my life.

I had, in effect re-invented myself. This was a necessary part of my growth. Soon after starting transition in earnest on April 24th 2006 I discovered that I had redefined my personal boundaries and I realized that who I was becoming was worth every effort to protect and nurture into wholeness, so I began to actively watch and patrol these personal borders I had discovered.
I discovered who I am and what I want and hope for in this life and now in ways that press me towards that goal I assert myself. I stand my own ground and I direct my life when I can rather than just letting it happen - I am not a victim of circumstance unless I let myself be one. This has freed me from a lot of unnecerssary stress and frustration and gives me the ability to simply enjoy being me.

A couple days ago I read a great post and commentary along the same lines of assertiveness and defining ones self called "Reinvention and Recurrance". I think you might find it very interesting. The blog is
TransCanada and often VĂ©ronique is quite insightful. This one is well worth a read:

“One of the side effects of transition doesn't have anything directly to do with gender. Transition is an opportunity to reinvent yourself. I've gone through the reinvention process several times in my life already (which is why I sometimes say I've crammed several lives into the one I have), but transition affords a particularly good opportunity for change.

Often, people who are close to us don't allow us to change, at least not much. They are used to us the way we are. Even if we do change, sometimes friends and family don't see it, and in not seeing it, or in seeing it and objecting to it, they exert pressure against the change, sometimes to the point of sabotaging it.”…

For the rest follow this link:

Hugs and Blessings,
Eva-Genevieve! Scarborough


  1. Excellent point about reinventing one’s self, Eva. Every day can be a time to reinvent one’s self, but first--at least in my case---I had to "uncover" myself. That took quite a number of years and many detours. I equate your dark years prior to transition with my "cocooning" phase. These were the two years that preceded my transition of last August. It was a painfully introspective time. Even though I had an incredibly loving & supportive wife with me every step of the way, I felt terribly alien and lonely in my own skin.

    I knew that the joy of my "dress-up" days was long gone. There was simply no more joy in pretend. I came to understand that crossdressing for me was a deception. I yearned for reality and finally, after a bout of depression, I emerged from my soul searching with knowingness. I realized I had done all the work possible to understand who I am and what I had to do. Every fiber of my being knew I had to express my true self in earnest. When I finally did so, I could not believe how free I actually became.

    I simply reinvented myself into...MYSELF!

    As I footnote, I didn't realize how deep was the disabling emotional reach of birth family, the old, familiar haunts and the crusty social fabric of my hometown until I briefly returned to them after we purchased our new home on the east coast. It was all the reinforcement I needed to understand that establishing new personal boundaries of self respect was of the utmost importance to the success of my new life.

    I like to refer to change as an "inside job", Eva. The only way I could successfully manage the popular opinion of the outside world was to take an inner view of my place within it, reconcile my true feelings and then just go out and "do it"...

    The truth shall set us free, and so it has for me. Thanks for the inspiring blog, Eva.

  2. Thanks for the kind words Keri.

    The truth sets us free, and I am very happy to know that I share that freedom with many wonderful sisters (and brothers). When I wrestled in those dark days and established that transition was the only way back to life I was by myself and did not know a single transgendred person - it was just me and God (and a few leaches that took advantage of someone that was so totally a mess).

    Hugs, Eva-Genevieve!

  3. Hi there, great blog site. Lots to think about as usual Eva. Thanks for keeping my brain cells stirred up. Pam

  4. Even as a crossdresser, there has been changes in my life. Emotional mostly, I have discovered that my journey is taking me to places that I never imagined.

    I'll never transition but I do have a feminine spirit. It took me years before I discovered why I felt that I was different. Now I have never been happier.

    Eva, you're right about change being an 'inside job'. It always is. I'm so happy that you have been set free.